Thursday, June 28, 2012

Elevators . . .

They go up.

They go down.

Some are big.

Some are small.

Most are benign.

But a few are soooo much more.

Just read thru chapter five of Fifty Shades of Grey and you'll know how much more I'm talking about. . .

. . .or get in an elevator with me.

No, I've never done THAT in the elevator, but sometimes, I change an uneventful, benign elevator ride into a source of entertainment.

Like the other day, I walked over to the elevator where a co-worker was already waiting. I said, "Going down?"

Did I mention my office is on the top floor?

Did I mention that we don't have one of those cool, burst-thru-the-ceiling glass elevators like in Charlie & the Chocolate Factory?

Hmm, I didn't think so. However, my co-worker was kind enough to try to hide her snicker and say, "Um, yah." You all I'm sure are snickering right to my face the computer screen.

Did I mention I'm a dork? Snicker away, I can't hear you.

Silver Lining:

  1. Fortunately, this was between me and a friend, not an executive.
  2. No one was in the elevator with me the day I stepped in and pushed the button for the floor I was currently on. I silently waited for the elevator to get moving. It didn't. I know, just sigh and shake your head.
  3. Fifty Shades of Grey - if that tie isn't a silver lining in and of itself, I don't know what is.
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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Trippin'

I can be a good doobey.

I turn the water off while I'm brushing my teeth.

I let in as much natural light as I can during the day.

I plan my errands so that I make a loop instead of a zig-zag, back & forth, curli-que, jacked-up route.

I put cardboard in the recycle bin.

It's that last one that's tricky though.

In our house, there are a few simple steps to be taken in order to effectively (and safely) move cardboard to the recycle bin on the back patio:

  1. Gather cardboard near the back door.

  2. Break down/flatten cardboard boxes.

  3. Move cardboard directly into the recycle bin.


A very simple list indeed.

Three steps. Outlined neatly.

What happens when you skip a step?

Or worse, add a step?

This:


is what happens when you fail to break down a box (step 2) and move the boxes from the back door area to the back porch instead of taking them directly to the recycle bin (step 3).

There is a reason there is no step 2a! Dorks like me catch their foot on the fully assembled box while trying to step over it onto a 12X12 clear space on the back porch.


I landed flat on my back at the bottom of those three little steps.

OUCH!

Silver Lining:
  1. I didn't break any bones! Not even a fracture, even though I'm sure I heard some weird crunching noises as I went down.

  2. Hubby & the kids were inside so they were able to come to my rescue. Stinkles even hooked me up with a band-aid on my elbow. Oddly, the abrasion on my leg never started bleeding - all that is under the skin. That said, my leg is now my greatest source of pain since something did penetrate and form an infection under the skin - yay!


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Monday, March 26, 2012

Smart VS Street Smart

It's official. Stinkles is eligible for Mensa.

She's had an official, indepth IQ test (current Weschler IQ test) administered along with some additional tests which all came back positive for giftedness.

That's all well and good. But explain to me how a six year old child who could write her name by two and multiply & divide at three, couldn't figure out that you have to unlock the patio door in order to open it?

Silver Lining:

  1. We still have plenty of time to teach her these important life lessons. She is only six after all.

  2. It's a hard pill to swallow that your kid is smarter than you, but on the bright side, there's a really good chance she'll get herself a job where she actually may be able to take care of us when we're old and infirmed. Or she'll end up a weird, recluse with a bunch of conspiracy theories rattling around in that super capacity brain of hers. Let's hope for the "good job" path.



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Thursday, March 22, 2012

No Laundry For You, One Day!

OMG! I never thought I'd see the day.

The kind of day where the sky is dappled with puffy white clouds (perfect for imagining shapes of dragons pushing shopping carts or a floating Easter bunny head - a little disturbing, but fun none the less), mid-seventies temperature, & a slight breeze.

The kind of day where all is right with the world, there's enough money in the bank to pay the bills, dust ceases to land on every surface as soon as I enter a room.

The kind of day where my children get dressed in the morning and aren't covered in something (toothpaste, milk, all that crazy dust - take your pick) by the time they've started breakfast.

The kind of day where the laundry gets done without me having to lift a finger. . .

eeerrrrrrttt!

I almost saw it! One day, there was a flash of possibility before my eyes. . .

My children are old enough to help with laundry (happy dance). At least I trust them to fold the laundry. I have nightmare images of Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom so I'm not letting them run the wash machine yet.

I got a new "upstairs" chore chart as more of a check list to make sure they brush their teeth, get dressed (including socks - yes, it has to be said), and brush their hair. I put turn out lights & open blinds on there too, and with one space left, I added "Fold & Put Away Laundry.

For each task, the girls get their own magnetic star to place on the chart. We haven't assigned any dollar amounts to these "chores" - they just get to move a star for each completed task.

In the morning, Cupie, as a typical oldest child, wants to please us so she doesn't waste any time getting ready and has time to work on laundry. There's a star at stake darn it, and she's earning one!

Stinkles, on the other hand, likes to daydream. She marches to the beat of her own drummer that's for sure. I'm pretty sure that drummer plays a death dirge because she is slow to do everything. She's the only kid I know who can be happy & smiley & jumpy with a death dirge playing, but anywho. . .

Stinkles likes to get stars too. Just for the sake of getting them. Never mind the fact that she may or may not have earned them. They are pretty and they are stars and they should just be given to her.

Cupie emptied the dryer, folded the clothes inside, put the neat little piles on the beds, and put her own laundry away. Then, she moved a star into it's appropriate place on the chart.

Stinkles, brushing her teeth, took note that laundry had been done that morning and moved her own star into the same slot.

I was downstairs peacefully drinking my coffee & eating a scone while reading the latest gossip rag. Yah, I have time to do that because I get up early enough to shower, primp, get dressed, vacuum the entire house, make lunches, bake fresh scones, grind coffee beans by hand, & publish my own gossip magazine before 7:30AM. NOT!!!!

I was in the bathroom, frantically trying to do something with the frizzy mess atop my head when the squabbling began.

Cupie: You can't just move the star!
Stinkles: But the laundry is done.
Cupie: You didn't do the laundry. I DID!
Stinkles: It's not fair!
Cupie: How is it not fair? I DID THE LAUNDRY!
Stinkles: You did it without asking me first!
Cupie: Why should I ask you?
Stinkles: Because.
Cupie: Because why?
Stinkles: Because it's not fair.

Me (in my calmest thru-the-clenched-teeth-but-somewhat-evil-sounding voice while waving a comb around like a mad woman): WHAT IS GOING ON OUT HERE!!!!!!!

You've already read the situation so I won't repeat it, but the bottom line was that Stinkles didn't think it was fair that Cupie, who gets up at the same time as her and has the same number of morning tasks, doesn't daydream so she has time to laundry; therefore earning a star, while she does not.

Tears were streaming down Stinkles face (add that to the list of "something" to be covered in).

TEARS!!!!

Over not "getting" to do the laundry.

Give me a moment to shed my own tears over this.

TEARS OF JOY!

Silver Lining:
  1. I did explain to Cupie that even though she enjoys doing laundry now, she really should involve her sister in the future so Stinkles doesn't start to take advantage of her and just expect her to do the laundry. That's my job, duh!

  2. Stinkles got her own load of laundry to fold and put away. In true Stinkles fashion, it took three days for the task to be complete. But it was completed nonetheless.


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